“It was hard. I know from first hand experience how hard it is to come back from something like that. But guess what? It’s been two years, and you are still here. You are still here, you are still amazing and you are gonna stay here and continue to be amazing. Simply for being here it shows how strong, and brave, and incredible you are. People like you are astonishing. You are the kind of person I look up to when life gets hard, because you came close, very close, but you were able to pull yourself from so much darkness and still march through life, fighting your fight. I just want you to know that I am proud of you. I am proud to be able to call such an amazing person my friend and I am proud that you are strong enough to be here today.”
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I wish more people were as strong as you @calculatingsquid {myself included} (via emotionaladdict)
So grateful for my best friend @emotionaladdict, she supports me through everything 😍 thanks for making the tough days not so tough
And now, three. With each day that passes I find anoter reason that I’m glad I’m still alive, that I decided to stay and try just once more. These past three years have been the best of my life, and I’m sincerely thankful to everyone who’s been apart of them. And now, I keep marching, until three becomes four, and four becomes five, becomes ten, twenty, fifty, until it’s been so many years that I lose count. Three years.
After long last, four years now. Lots of changes have occurred in between then, and now. No more you, though you’re still on my mind everyday. In fact, no more of any of you. A new you (if you will), and a new me, and a new tattoo, too. The new you is newest, and the new tattoo before that…but the new me is still Coming Soon. I try to be grateful for the new news and the old olds in my life, but sometimes I just cannot do that. I sit in the basements of new unknown buildings with newer, more unknown people, something I have never done before, and I cannot help but to wonder what would have happened if I would not have stopped four years ago. If I was not here, would everyone else still be? Would their worlds still be the same if I did not exist, if I had never existed to them, or never will?
This is something I will never know. I am stronger than I was four years ago, and I will be even stronger tomorrow, too. For no matter how much I think about everything that has occurred or could have occurred, it does not matter now. I am here, and I am important, and I continue to exist day after day after day.
I don’t really have much to say this year. Five years feels like a very long time, but the memory stills burns within me everyday. And those new unknown buildings were so much more familiar this year, and the news began to come the olds and the new you is still around, but everything was cut short. Creating my own life is surreal, and I’m lucky to do it while surrounded by the best people I’ve ever met, but right now it’s hard to remember that when they’re so far away. Life is short, but it could’ve been shorter—it’s as simple as that. But since it’s not, maybe I’ll make something of it. As soon as I can leave my damn house.
I guess we’re at six now. The past year has been so fast, but I’m vaccinated so maybe we can exist soon once again. Ive written before about how wonderful life is, but it’s not, sometimes. I was out at 1am today and stood in the spot where he hit the concrete that night. What if that was me? It wasn’t, but it could have been. It doesn’t matter, I suppose, because it wasn’t.
I don’t know what else there is, this year, that’s big. But, I am glad I am here. A&A are the biggest, brightest lights of my life, I am so glad to know their little selves. The “news” from the past years have faded into the same old that I love. We are almost done with the semester, and I get to spend the summer closer to the love of my life. Maybe I’ll even get to go to a bar. I guess all the little things are what are big, this year.
Next year, I’ll be graduating. Beginning my life once and for all. Who would’ve thought I would have ever made it that far. I didn’t. But, I’m getting there, and I’ve at least made it as far as today.
oh, and happy birthday.
Seven years feels like a whole lifetime. I didn’t think I’d actually write these for this long, but reading them every year really puts stuff into perspective, makes me want to continue this yearly journal of my life so that in the future I can look back on everything. We graduate in 12 days, on my 22nd birthday, and shortly after, I begin a new job and move in with my favorite person, and life continues. Everything that was new previously is now old, familiar, soon to be in the past.
But I’m excited to continue on. I’m excited to begin anew (again) and make the life that I want to lead. I’m ready to leave the past to dust and move on with my life, something I’ve been learning to do every day. I get to laugh every day with the people I love and learn more about myself as we go along. I’m really grateful for the past four years, and I’m more ready than ever to keep moving forward.
Thoughts of the past don’t really affect me anymore, most of the time. Some days suck, but most are really good. The days that hurt really hurt, but the days that don’t are better than I could’ve imagined. I don’t know what to do about the bad days, but that’s not a problem for right now, I think.
set the Neil counter to 0, please!
For eight years, i’ve always written these from my bed. It’s kind of weird to do it with someone laying next to me. But at the same time, it’s comforting. I used to dread going to sleep on this night, but it’s so nice to have you by my side as I do.
I’m grateful for all of the good in my life right now. Although it’s honestly filled with lots of bad at the moment, I’m so incredibly grateful for the little moments of good sprinkled in every day. So that’s what I’ll focus on for this next year, the little moments of good.
I love our little home, my relaxing job, my upbeat tap classes, my nights with you, everything I never thought I’d have. And during it all, I’ve learned to take a breath this year, that everything doesn’t need to be the most challenging at all times. Sometimes it is, but sometimes, it’s okay to just relax. Breath.
Eight years is so long, and no time at all. It was easy, just taking it day by day. And the days pass so much better by your side. I wonder where I’ll be in the next eight?
